Monday, March 27, 2006

Marriage Is "For White People"



Or so everybody and their mama keeps telling us! This Washington Post article by Joy Jones has been making the rounds and I'm sure that I'm about the ten thousandth blogger to write about it but, oh well!

Although I am trying to Keep Hope Alive for a brother, I will not allow my eggs to shrivel up waiting on that negro. I will have a husband, not a baby daddy! I mean, how sad is it that we had higher marriage rates during slavery?! Some of the points Jones made in the article rang so true to me, especially this:

Among African Americans, the desire for marriage seems to have a different trajectory for women and men. My observation is that black women in their twenties and early thirties want to marry and commit at a time when black men their age are more likely to enjoy playing the field. As the woman realizes that a good marriage may not be as possible or sustainable as she would like, her focus turns to having a baby, or possibly improving her job status, perhaps by returning to school or investing more energy in her career.

As men mature, and begin to recognize the benefits of having a roost and roots (and to feel the consequences of their risky bachelor behavior), they are more willing to marry and settle down. By this time, however, many of their female peers are satisfied with the lives they have constructed and are less likely to settle for marriage to a man who doesn't bring much to the table. Indeed, he may bring too much to the table: children and their mothers from previous relationships, limited earning power, and the fallout from years of drug use, poor health care, sexual promiscuity. In other words, for the circumspect black woman, marriage may not be a business deal that offers sufficient return on investment.

Most single black women over the age of 30 whom I know would not mind getting married, but acknowledge that the kind of man and the quality of marriage they would like to have may not be likely, and they are not desperate enough to simply accept any situation just to have a man. A number of my married friends complain that taking care of their husbands feels like having an additional child to raise. Then there's the fact that marriage apparently can be hazardous to the health of black women. A recent study by the Institute for American Values, a nonpartisan think tank in New York City, indicates that married African American women are less healthy than their single sisters.
Well, what do you think ladies (and gentlemen?)


*photo via New York magazine.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Juicy77 said...

I just want to curl up in my bed and cry.

March 27, 2006 at 3:14 PM  
Blogger Nichelle said...

Don't do it girl! Life is too juicy!

BTW, love your blog!

March 27, 2006 at 3:36 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

ooh girl, this is the very reason why I am working on another project right now!

i have mixed emotions on the subject. I do feel like there are less "good" men on the market and more regular men trying to market themselves are more than what they are.

i blogged about this issue at Twentyeight30..check it out and tell me what you think!

March 27, 2006 at 5:38 PM  
Blogger Nichelle said...

Which post is it Miss Ahmad? I'm so tired now, I need to go to bed...the pages are just blending together.

March 28, 2006 at 12:41 AM  
Blogger Mrs A. said...

i like your blog........good/sad post-DAYUM!!!!!

March 28, 2006 at 2:47 PM  
Blogger Cocoa Girl said...

I am pro any good man who is truly suitable for me. If he's black, Asian or white, I really don't care.

Great post!

March 28, 2006 at 2:58 PM  
Blogger Nichelle said...

Thanks Miss A. -- I liked your blog too.

Cocoa -- As I once heard someone say, I'm "pro-swirl" (hahaha) but I'm not giving up on black men either.

March 28, 2006 at 9:11 PM  
Blogger Juicy77 said...

Thanks for stopping by! :o)

March 29, 2006 at 1:07 AM  

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