The Gay Husband Checklist
So, I found this article in the New York Times about the struggles of gay/bi-sexual men who are married to women. Now while I understand societal pressures and bias, I think it's pretty selfish for a man - or a woman for that matter - to drag another person into their madness. I'm sorry -in fact, no I'm not sorry - that I want to be more than just a "best friend" or "perfect co-parent" when I get married. Why should he get to have his cake and eat it too while I pop out babies to make him look good?
Please... I like cake too motherf**ker!
Now if that person goes into the situation knowingly, that's different. Some people absolutely do this and that is their business (Be nice! I'm not naming names...), but apparently people are still getting suckered into sham unions. The article linked to two organizations that help the straight spouse cope in this situation. One site, Gay Husbands/Straight Wives, started by a woman who was once married to a gay man, has a checklist for women who may not know what to look for. I found the list interesting because some of the tips seem so obvious (He watches porno movies with gay scenes? He visits gay bars? Duh!) But then again, maybe it's not so obvious to everybody.
Personally, I've gotten some great tips from some gay men I know on what to look for - especially the good looking ones. I'm sorry, but they get hit on more - especially by alleged "straight" guys - so I think they know what they're talking about.
Here's the checklist from the site. What do you think of it?
You have a normal sexual appetite, but your mate thinks you have excessive sexual needs.
There is a decline of sexual activity early in your marriage.
Your husband is repulsed by normal sexual activity.
Your mate admits to having had more than two homosexual encounters.
Your husband reveals he's bisexual.
Your partner visits gay bars claiming he’s there only to hang out with his gay friend (s).
Your mate watches porno movies with gay male scenes.
Your mate makes continual homophobic comments.
Your partner’s ego appears to be boosted by compliments from gay men.